This is a great article by Diane Potter.
Six months ago, if you had said to me that I didn’t know myself very well, I would’ve shouted, “HA!” and laughed you out of the room. At the time, I believed no one could know herself better. I mean, if you look at the adversity I’d overcome to get where I am – what I’ve learned, how I’ve succeeded – well, it’s practically an Oprah show in itself.
In under 10 years, I’d gone from being single to married, adopted a baby at birth, sued my mother-in-law for putting us in financial ruin, started three businesses, sold one, quit smoking, built a house, became a foster parent, buried my Mom, turned a former employer in to the state for fraud, moved twice, and had four job changes. You can’t survive all that without getting tougher as you go along. So what was the problem?
I was developing major phobias… and they were getting worse!
Every year I would find myself uncomfortable with something new, something I had been fine with just twelve months earlier. Suddenly I might not like an overpass, a bridge, an elevator, a building, a restaurant – you name it. If I felt “a little funny” doing it, it immediately went on the “never again” list. The list was getting longer and my five-year-old was starting to figure out that Mom had a list of things she didn’t do.
In January, I entered Tony Robbins Coaching. It wasn’t like I hadn’t tried other things in the past – I had! But none of them had worked. I drove to Texas once for tapping therapy, tried hypnosis, attended countless counseling sessions, purchased courses I saw on TV, paid thousands of dollars for personal coaches… nothing.
So, needless to say, I went into this with a closed mind. Oh sure, I believed Tony himself could help me – but not one of his coaches! What could they know?
My biggest fear of all? Meeting someone who would make me face these phobias! That was the ultimate fear!
To my surprise, my coach, Su, started talking about my personality. I wanted to laugh at her. Clearly she was confused. She would ask me how much pink clothing I owned, or when the last time was I did something because it “felt” good.
To me, feeling was ridiculous, weak, and a waste of time. I don’t own pink clothes – I own black pant suits, sometimes navy. I’m tough. I get stuff done. I’m the one you want in your corner. I pity weakness and reject it at every turn. There’s just no time for it.
Su (some genius ninja lady of the mind) figured it out well before she told me. All these tough situations had made me lose my femininity. I had become all the man I would ever need. I was denying who I was at the root – a WOMAN!
The more I denied myself, the more my Self would make up new things to be afraid of, trying to get attention from me any way that it could. I paid zero attention to myself, so my subconscious found a way to get attention – albeit in an unhealthy way – and it worked. Like a child throwing a temper tantrum, when I was in the throes of a panic attack, no one was more important than Me. I was all about me, for 15 minutes. Then it was back to business.
How crazy is it that your body would do that? It’s literally crying for self love, and it will get the need met however it can. And it did.
After showing myself love and compassion, and becoming more in tune with who I am, I’m proud to say that I’ve started facing some of my largest phobias and doing very well! I’m so proud of myself! I’m softer, incredibly happy, more at peace, and more of the Real Me!
As women, we tend to deny ourselves the things we need and feel honorable about it. But why? We dishonor ourselves, then pin a badge on our chest saying, “Look what I sacrificed!”? STOP IT! You’re literally hurting your Self and setting a poor example for our children. We wouldn’t want them to do that, so stop.
I still get stuff done and I’m still a go-getter, but I do it even better than before. I don’t need to steamroll to get things accomplished – I can make things happen in the all-powerful, female way! It’s better, more effective, and more elegant anyway.
Be nice to my fellow friend and woman – I love her! She’s the most powerful being I’ve ever known!
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